My practical papers were pretty good. So during my last practicals, I had CSS students and excluding me, the rest five students of Web tech sitting in the same lab. People turned out to cheekily glance here and there and copy answers. Really.Turned me OFF. I agree you had a terrible night and couldn’t study properly or whatever, at least be honest about your paper! You can cheat now and get some extra marks, but will you dare to do that in your boards? You doing that now will only make you get so accustomed to it that getting out of this habit will cost you an academic scenario. Asking something silly and transient which you learned but is not getting resurfaced is acceptable ’cause of the brain slip you just had. But copying like every single thing is B.A.D.

Days gone by have been pretty decent as I knew what I had to study and immediately began with it. My theory exams start this friday with web tech knocking on my door first.
All I’ve been doing is sitting on my cute little butt all day long and studying. After some blogging therapy, I begin with scripting (UGHH!).

I’m not even so much as ashamed about not even once being able to get this darn VB scripting thing in my head, which by the way is the exam I need to write on friday, because really, all the free periods, partiality for some people and doing nothing this semester has gone over my head and I don’t seem to give a tiny rat’s ass about it.

I feel like writing and writing. Like right now, I’d rather write about everything that’s on my mind and vent it out here than open that hideous text book and see what’s written there.

P.s This is what happens when you daily agenda is filled only with studies, studies and STUDIES!!!

I just tried that stupid darn scripting again.
I cannot for the love of anything in this world comprehend it right. Maybe I should just listen to Bruno Mars and zone out,into my incepted world.

Look, stop staring. I’m trying, it’s just not happening. It’s not that my concepts aren’t clear. It’s just that I don’t have any concepts.

Entry to the world of scripting.
*aanchu*

X PinkDragon X

Shera is my only source of entertainment while studying!

Whats yours?

X PinkDragon X

This chic has an opinion of her own. I appreciate.

I have already followed it! What about you?

X PinkDragon X

Tears strolled down her once rosy cheek. Her sparkling eyes now shined with crystal tears. The pain creep-ed over her skin and you dint have to look into her eyes to see how the pain was taking over.

“Cry li’l girl, cry. Nothing else will make you feel better”

X PinkDragon X

Emotions. Emotions are conceptually peoples’ feelings, thought processes and behavior. Eight billion people telling different things. Happiness, contentment and Love.
There’s nothing unreal about it. They’re real feelings. Pure and unmistakable.
The small sense of pride that comes from a compliment, the anxiety just before getting back an exam paper, the helplessness when it seems like nothings okay and the contentment when someone you care about assures you it will be. The fear when you’re all alone in the dark. The tiny smile when you find money in a pocket or the fun that comes from laughing with a friend for no explainable reason. The hateful feeling of wanting to punch the guy you don’t like in the face. The sense of belonging-ness you get when you do something you love. Or just the peace when nothing is particularly wrong.
There are something’s that just aren’t fake. There’s an emotion that just isn’t. And it’s exactly that which keeps the fake world real in the first place.

I saw them walk the dirty road together. The dogs barked at them. The slightly retarded beggars passed comments, people whispered, a couple of strangers came in the way. But he held her hand and pulled her on determinedly, staring straight ahead with a slight air of defiance. I didn’t need to look into her eyes to see the look she was giving him. I could see that she knew perfectly well, that it would be just fine. I could see that she knew where she was going, simply because he knew. He mouthed something to her. And she might have only managed to smile back. I don’t blame him for not noticing her insides light up. Anyone with half an eye could see. He liked her. She liked him. And at that instant, that was the most Real thing in the world. And so I smiled to myself for a second… Until I turned around again and she stood alone, watching him walk away…

X PinkDragon X

Do what your heart wants to do. Not *makes* you do.

X PinkDragon X

I wish I was my Daddy’s Princess.

X PinkDragon X

I considered you as a friend, rather you’ll as friends. Never ever expected you guys to give an example of a prostitute for me. You think I’m a slut and being associated with me hampers your image, then just fucking leave me and forget my existence. I have loved you guys more than my life. Cared about you more than I ever cared about my health issues. Wrote about you’ll as my first article for 21fools. Appreciated our friendship and treasured it. All you saw was how irrational I am regarding some people in my life. How all my other friends have left me because of ‘this’ nature of mine. How I don’t have any close friends from class 11. This is what I get after my unconditional love.

It is not that I am not strong enough to kick peoples asses’. It is just that I am not mean enough. I don’t feel like justifying myself every time you come and confront me and start your saga of blaming me. If you can just see this from the past 3 years of our friendship, I have nothing more to say.

I never really thought I dint have friends cause I knew I’ll always have you’ll by my side. At one end, people call me consider me cold and heartless. Pass comments (taunts) like I’ll catch a cold from the ice inside my soul and at the other end you’ll build up notions about my character.

If this is what friends are, I’d rather have none.

I feel like getting stranded at an unknown place at this moment and never come back.

Its easy to take off all your clothes and have sex. People do that all the fucking time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fear, future, dreams, hopes – That’s being naked

I don’t care whether or not this revelation is going to cost me a social scenario. How many people really bother to find out how you are, you’ll never did. I’ve been burning for the last ten days and have been professionally and emotionally exploited, family issues making me question my existence and blaming myself all the time, having some of the worst moments in school with trying to keep up with making people happy and dealing with their immaturity in my class, and being so mentally exhausted to even open my textbook to study for my upcoming finals. All you’ll cared was about that!
If you guys expect me to come up to you’ll and update all the happenings of my life like a newsreader, things don’t happen this way.

For all I have done in life, today I feel like its all gone in waste.

TakeCare.

X PinkDragon X

Life is about living this very moment.
If you’re reading this, please close your eyes for a moment and search for inner peace. Life is awesome. Despite of everything, it is awesome. Anger is never the answer. Believe in yourself.
Dare to be believe.

Be a believer.

Be a dreamer.

Believe to Dream.

X PinkDragon X

So Hello People,

January has been the longest and the most active month for me so far. (Family functions, treats, lunch, workshops, day outs’ etc.) Grades are pretty okay provided the fact that I dint really study much for this round of assessments. Psychology ma’am has been cutting marks like never before for not using the proper ‘terminologies’ even though she can apprehend by the answers that I have understood the concepts pretty well. Yeah, my report card might seem like a bad man’s karma. This has already started to haunt me. (Plus, my class teacher ‘loves’ me so much!) My exams start from the 24th of Feb and practical’s a few days before them. I HAVE to perform well in my exams. I want to.

The year has started as a roller coaster ride. I’ve done a lot of shit since 2012 happened to me. For obvious reasons the same cannot be posted here. No intentions of sowing seeds of apprehension in the minds of people.

Where am I shifting is still not decided..

Some people, in harsh terms, chucked me out of an organization to which I was not only attached professionally but also very much emotionally. When I realized my termination, I was bummed. I thought I would burst out crying, (which I eventually did) I surprised myself saying,
WHOGIVESAFLYINGFUCKANYWAY?!

I got this feeling of being as strong as granite until I entered my room that night.

I helped you spearhead your entrepreneurship idea as much as I could. Not that now, believe you me, I would try to do just the opposite.

If you mope about being professional and try giving yourself the fake mental satisfaction that I dint deserve this after the shit I have done on a personal level (being brainwashed by your ‘friends’), and forget what my existence ever did for it then fucking go and ask my family or my friends or even our apparent mutual friends about my contribution and passion and get your facts clear.

In case you dint notice, I belong to the human category. I too have self respect, conscience and a heart. I showed you the side of me which once loved you irrevocably, very openly. The months after I had my soul striking revelation, I engaged myself in quite a few things that kept my mind off emotions. The emotional turbulence which further aggravated within me from the past few weeks after my awareness of not being a part of that anymore is even difficult to explain. I felt exploited. Hurt. Like never before. The strength I had to deal with my other issues also started diminishing. Like my insides were giving away. Everyday, looking at the group on facebook made me feel even more terrible from within. All I felt was pure pain. The numbness after crying everynight. Nothing seemed to help at that point of time. I could not share what was going on within me with anyone.

I guess I am a little too emotional, but that’s how some of us are.

Days went by pretty smoothly with tears strolling down my cheeks every night.

Slowly, I started to bother about people who only bother about me. One night, my mom was talking about some soap and she said, “Every bad thing has a good thing hidden with it and every good thing comes with a bad thing yada yada.”

BAZINGA! I had an epiphany right there. It was so true. At least, I dealt with the worst right?

I have realised; There are some situations in life which you cannot let go off. Even if you keep yourself away from all the shit and immense pain the people cause you with whom you do not associate yourself with anymore. But, they don’t really go away from your life. You maintain a soft corner for them. It is not like I am not strong enough, its just that I’m not mean enough. I can blog, bitch and do all that to make myself feel better, but im not going to intentionally hurt someone even if they shoot me on my head. That goes against my principles. On the other hand, I wont do anything out of my way or even in my way to do something for such people anymore, infact I wont even speak to them. But if they do happen to speak to me,I shall be civil.

Anyhow, if you’re wondering how the fuck did I move on, Here it goes:
• I am shifting and have a lot of family stuff to deal with already.
• I don’t want to associate with anyone who makes me cry all the time and gives me a real hard time
• I have health issues.
• And also,
IFIAMCHUCKMEOUTOFSOMETHINGIWOKRKEDMYASSFORPASSIONATELYANDCONSIDEREDYOURDREAMASMY
DREAMANDINDEEDNOTEVENTELLMEABOUTTHATSTUPIDGROUPANDNOTRETAINALLTHATIDIDINTHEPASTAND
MAKEYOURSTUPIDHEADUNDERSTANDFUCKINGWHATITSLIKETOBEINMYSHOESATTHEMOMENT.
• I am tired.

“Because if it’s not a two way street, then it’s a hopeless journey and a waste of petrol”
Yeah, that’s a lot of venting for now.

I will be at home all throughout these two months because of my exams and my feeble source of relaxation will certainly be my blog. In the course of the day, I do find solace in writing. Before going, I’ll just leave you with one thought. Never forget what a person has done for you. Never undervalue that. Maybe now, you have a better form of everything but at one point of time what they did, no one had even come close to doing that for you. I do not mean keep thanking them for the rest of your life. Trust me, that is not what they want. Just be there for them and don’t ever take away something from them which they truly deserve. That is all. And they’ll cherish you for life. I’ll cherish all that there was, but don’t expect me to extend my hand because I already did that first. Don’t think I did not wait, (I’m still waiting), because I’m always ready to forgive.

Remember, I am not going to be judgemental until you give me a reason to be judgemental.

There is nothing better and bigger than a heart which can forgive even without a formal apology or a sorry. It only happens when one feels that the other one is really apologetic and has had the required revelation which reflects in the behavior of theirs.

I have a bigger and a better heart.

As of now, whatever.

X PinkDragon X